s adult children of high-performing families the Rich Legacy team is committed to empowering kids to find their unique voices. It is our hope that these efforts will prevent children from feeling overshadowed by their parents’ successes.
Another huge part of our job is positioning parents to connect with and understand the people their children are becoming.
Our experienced coaches are living proof that this family dynamic can not only improve lives, but save lives!
“How would an improved relationship with your children affect their development and future?”
This is the question we ask parents everyday.
What we have learned is that most parents already know that a deep and meaningful relationship with their children is important. One might think this awareness is empowering for parents, but too often we find that this awareness instead brings up feelings of guilt.
To better understand why entrepreneurial parents feel guilt instead of pride and how we can help them transform these feelings into something workable, we surveyed members of online communities, such as Marie Forleo’s B-School, Amy Porterfield’s Webinars That Convert, and Ariana and Tom Sylvester’s Family Entrepreneur Life, to hear first hand what keeps them up at night.
The responses we received were overwhelmingly female and very clear! Unlike fathers who experience guilt at work and at home, mompreneurs seems to experience the most guilt around domestic roles.
Have a look at what these amazing Mompreneurs have to say.
“I experience guilt always… when things aren’t optimal [with my business or my kids] I feel I’m not putting in enough time.” ~ Molly Marshall, Owner and Instagram Expert at Molly Marshall Marketing
“I mostly feel guilty when I need to leave the kids in someone else’s care for longer than usual (usually at daycare). I also feel guilty if I have to work when they are at home. Basically it’s a matter of not being able to spend a limitless amount of time with them.” ~ Miriam Buttu, Owner and Career Coach at Miriam Buttu Coaching
“Every. Single. Day. Some days it’s the mom guilt… Other days it’s work guilt… Oh and add in spouse guilt… and also self-guilt because I still struggle with self care and listening to what my body needs! And one more – friend guilt…” ~ Ariana Sylvester, Serial Entrepreneur
“I feel guilty often because I work too many hours right now and my son doesn’t get my full attention… the attention he deserves.” ~ Jen Wittman, Owner and Business Coach at Mindful Mavericks
“I mainly [feel guilty] when it’s weekend stuff that I need to do or missing their bed time. Also when I have deadlines and need to work rather than spend time with them.” Ruth Kudzi, Owner and Success Coach at Ruth Kudzi Coaching
“1. Guilt about investing a ton(!) of money learning online marketing, versus spending it on the kiddo. 2. Guilt about not spending enough time with the kiddo.” Bumi Kristen
5 Reasons Mompreneurs Feel Guilty
This feedback from Mompreneurs tells us that they feel guilty when:
- they have to spend time away from their kids
- they have to set boundaries with kids about working from home
- self-care gets lots in the shuffle
- their partners get lost in the shuffle
- money is invested in the business instead of the kids/family
What Is Guilt?
Art Markman, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology and Marketing at the University of Texas and contributor at Psychology Today explains:
Psychology Today explains, “Guilt and its handmaiden, shame, can paralyze us––or catalyze us into action. Appropriate guilt can function as social glue, spurring one to make reparations for wrongs. Excessive rumination about one’s failures, however, is a surefire recipe for resentment and depression.”
Overcoming Unhealthy Guilt
There is hope!
Peyton Theodore, Owner and Coach at Enlightening Souls says, “I am a single mom with 90% custody and an entrepreneur. It’s taken years but I’ve got it down. Guilt free.”
Jo Ebisujima, Owner of Jojoebi explains, “I don’t buy into that guilt crap, I used to and it made me feel like a failure. I set my hours around my kid, sometimes I do have to work when he is home but he is well cared for, well fed and loved.
If these women can break the chronic guilt cycle, you can too!
Step 1. Use it or lose it!
Acute guilt when addressed can make your family stronger, but chronic guilt left unaddressed can destroy family bonds.
When you feel guilty, ask yourself if there is a behavior you can change now to address those feelings of guilt. If there is, then make the change. If there isn’t, then stop beating yourself up and focus on areas of your parent-child relationship that evoke pride.
Step 2. Kick society to the curb and stop shoulding yourself to death!
While we did hear from some dads it is worth noting that we never hear dad entrepreneurs refer to themselves as Dadpreneurs. Why?
For most of history men worked and women stayed at home with the kids. Women have come a long way in the past 40 years.
In 2015 a report conducted by the National Association of Women Business Owners found that more than 9.4 million firms were owned by women, employing nearly 7.9 million people, and generating $1.5 trillion in sales.
Now, in 2017, Cnbc reports “The Golden Age for women entrepreneurs has finally begun.”
While women “left the home” and entered the workforce, men did not return home in equal numbers. In 2015, U.S. Census data found that only 16 percent of the stay-at-home parent population was male.
As a result women, the members of society historically expected to head up domestic efforts, still end up carrying most of the family’s mental load while working professionally just as hard if not harder than their male counterparts.
If you are feeling the pressure to be a Super-mompreneur, try and tease apart your actual desires from the social pressure to be everything to everyone. Then stop asking for help from your domestic partner and start demanding it!!
Step 3. Treasure the moments you have instead of regretting the one’s you missed.
How much time do you spend feeling guilty about your inability to create more time. This is wasted time!
Even the smartest most innovative people in the world can’t make more time, it’s impossible.
Knowing this, redirect your focus and mental energy towards the creation of meaningful moments. Yes, moments. Quality is more important than quantity. If it works for Dad it can work for Mom!
Step 4. Stop beating yourself up for setting healthy boundaries.
Whether you work from home or out of an office, help your kids understand why you need some time away. Help them understand the importance of your work, not just for you, but for the family as a whole.
Be clear and consistent about your professional needs and your work-family boundaries.
Kids need exposure to healthy boundaries, it’s vital for their development. Your work provides you with a great opportunity to teach them this valuable life skill.
Also, make sure your partner honors your work-family boundaries in the same way the family is expected to value his!
Step 5. Give yourself permission to make self-care and romantic relationships a top priority.
Many parents, especially mothers, are encouraged to put their own self-care last. While tempting this sends a horrible message to your kids.
Another place where moms tend to tolerate self neglect is in the romance department.
As a parent you are your kids’ primary role model. Imagine your kid as an adult. Don’t you want them to be happy, healthy, and loved? Of course you do.
When you make self-care and romance a top priority your kids learn the importance of their own self-care and witness first hand how meaningful and supportive mature adult relationships can be.
Step 6. Be transparent about your investments.
While you don’t need to tell your kids the exact dollar amount of your professional investments, it is worth clueing them in on when, where, and how you choose to invest in yourself.
If you have already had the conversation about your work-family boundaries, your kids have begun to understand and respect the professional side of you.
Now help them understand how the funds you invest in yourself and your business will enhance your earning potential and benefit the family in the long run.
$2,000 towards business coaching today could result in thousands more for a family vacation tomorrow.
There you have it!
Mompreneurs feel guilt for so many things, some are out of their control, while others are within their control. When you can, use that awareness of guilt to make necessary changes. Don’t forget to asked for help from your co-parent/partner, you might be a Supermom and a Superboss, but you are still human. At the end of the day focus more on abundance than scarcity and trust that love will prevail.
If you still feel the need for support, the Rich Legacy team is standing by to lend a hand! Despite what you might have heard, it is honorable and courageous to ask for help.