Is Unsolicited Advice Criticism in Disguise?

Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, and did I mention? YES!

Why is that? Because unsolicited advice implies you know better. This almost always has the consequence (intended or unintended) of implying the person you are giving advice to is stupid, or at the very least, not as smart as you.

This can have a real impact on self-esteem in adults, but potentially crippling effects on children.

Growing up, my father always showed me the “right” way to do things. For him, this was one of the many ways he expressed his love. He felt he was helping and teaching me how to be more effective and efficient. The problem was, most of the time I hadn’t asked for his input.

While I learned a lot from him, my self-esteem suffered dramatically. I grew to have serious self-doubt surrounding my abilities to do anything in life.

 

How can you improve your interactions with your child to increase their self-esteem rather than bringing it down?

  1. Avoid offering your input or help unless they ask

  2. Point out the positive things they are doing, not just the negative

  3. If you must share something negative, share something positive before and after

  4. Ask questions rather than making statements when you disagree with their actions

 

Again, it is critical to note my father was not doing this intentionally. So many parents are harming their children in ways that never would occur to them without gaining more understanding into the child’s perspective.

For me, my lack of self-esteem contributed to a more than decade-long battle with substance abuse. Thankfully, I came out the other side to live a beautiful life. Unfortunately, a staggering number of children aren’t as fortunate.

Just look at the child and young adult suicide rates, drug overdose statistics or the increases in mental illness. This might draw a frightening conclusion for you.

There have been tools developed to help combat these kinds of issues. One such tool is our Five Principles of a Rich Legacy. These principles come from the founders’ experiences,  as well as conversations and interviews with thousands of parents, children, and clinical professionals. They serve as a powerful tool for combatting these kinds of self-destructive behaviors in young people.

What are the five principles of a Rich Legacy? They’re simple: connecting, understanding, balancing, influencing, and empowering.

We focus on the child’s perspective. And that offers unique insight to the parents we work with. They come to find it invaluable due to how quickly they see their child’s behavior change.

 

By Bradley Callow

While I learned a lot from him, my self-esteem suffered dramatically. I grew to have serious self-doubt surrounding my abilities to do anything in life.

 

 

How can you improve your interactions with your child to increase their self-esteem rather than bring it down?

 

  1. Avoid offering your input or help unless they ask

  2. Point out the positive things they are doing, not just the negative

  3. If you must share something negative, share something positive before and after

  4. Ask questions rather than making statements when you disagree with their actions

 

Again, it is critical to note my father was not doing this intentionally. So many parents are harming their children in ways that never would occur to them without gaining more understanding into the child’s perspective.

For me, my lack of self-esteem contributed to a more than decade-long battle with substance abuse. Thankfully, I came out the other side to live a beautiful life. Unfortunately, a staggering number of children aren’t as fortunate.

Just look at the child and young adult suicide rates, drug overdose statistics or the increases in mental illness. This might draw a frightening conclusion for you.

There have been tools developed to help combat these kinds of issues. One such tool is our Five Principles of a Rich Legacy. These principles come from the founders’ experiences,  as well as conversations and interviews with thousands of parents, children, and clinical professionals. They serve as a powerful tool for combatting these kinds of self-destructive behaviors in young people.

What are the five principles of a Rich Legacy? They’re simple: connecting, understanding, balancing, influencing, and empowering.

We focus on the child’s perspective. And that offers unique insight to the parents we work with. They come to find it invaluable due to how quickly they see their child’s behavior change.

 

By Bradley Callow